Mr. That's Newstastic! himself, the great Plato Jesus, can rest easily this weekend, secure in the knowledge that thanks to his hard work and diligent research, none of us will be able to.
Here are a lucky 7 new installments, so fresh off the Newstastic Desk they're still steaming:
A Surge in Iraq Gasbags
Formula One's 'Nazi' Sex Scandal
Gone Kurtz, on the Burma Border
An Empirical Analysis of Street-Level Prostitution
Illinois Man Designs Beer Can Coffin
Father Kills Son During Turkey Hunt
Click the headlines to read on...